


What You Can't Have

by motorcitydreams



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Pining Dean Winchester, Pre-Series, Unrequited Wincest, Wincest - Freeform, because he doesn't want to hurt Dean, but also Sam feels bad, not all that wincesty, nothing past that though, or maybe even season 1, uninterested Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 10:11:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11849409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motorcitydreams/pseuds/motorcitydreams
Summary: Sam wishes that he could be better for Dean. That he could be what Dean wants, that he could give him this. But he can’t.





	What You Can't Have

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this came from. I guess I was in the mood to make myself sad. I hope you like this. This is the first time I've ever posted anything Wincest-y so I'm awaiting the backlash, I guess, haha. Let me know what you thought?

The only person Dean wants to kiss, has ever wanted to kiss, is Sam. He’s wanted to kiss his little brother long before he really understood what a kiss meant. He briefly remembers being little and seeing his dad kiss his mom on the forehead, and mirroring the action to Sammy.

It’s taken Dean fifteen years to get up the courage to kiss Sam, and it’s not even a deep kiss. It’s a chaste one; a simple peck to the corner of Sam’s mouth, then another one to that full, pouty bottom lip. It’s everything Dean’s wanted and more. It’s like the first hit of a highly addictive drug. It’s too much and not enough, never enough, Dean will always want more. It’s the dragon that he will chase for the rest of his life.

So imagine his heart breaking when Sam doesn’t respond. When his whole entire world, the one person he would move heaven and earth for, the one person Dean could never deny anything, backs away like he’s been burned. Sam won’t look at him, is looking anywhere but at him, and Dean has to will himself not to reach out and touch Sammy. He feels incomplete, half-alive, like his heart is going to stop beating any second now. 

If he were a praying man, Dean would beg for God to make it happen.

“Dean, I–I don’t. We can’t..” And it’s almost pitiful, the way Sam is fumbling for the words that will break Dean’s heart. Dean can feel it already breaking for the way Sam is looking at him, like he doesn’t even know Dean, like his whole perception of the guy he spent his whole life with, spent his whole existence idolizing, has been shattered. Dean can feel his heart squeezing, his breath constricting. Sam tries to speak again, but Dean knows what’s coming, and he can’t hear it.

“Don’t.” He holds up a hand. “Just. Forget about it, Sam.” As if they can. As if they can come back from this. Dean just kissed his little brother, for God’s sake, and yeah, it wasn’t like a passionate one or anything, but the intent was clear. Sam’s not stupid.

Sam loves his brother. Has loved his brother for as long as he can remember, but it’s not like that. He can’t give Dean what he wants. When he sees the hurt flash in Dean’s beautiful, bright emerald eyes, he wishes he felt differently. Sam wishes he could give Dean everything he wants. They’ve both suffered so much, but Sam has always felt like Dean took the brunt of it. Carried the weight of the world on his shoulders for the two of them. 

Sam wishes that he could be better for Dean. That he could be what Dean wants, that he could give him this. But he can’t.

He can do the next best thing, and that’s to leave.


End file.
